Santa Hats
by purpleswans
Summary: Roy Mustang isn't happy that his subordinates are displaying their love for Christmas in the workplace.


**Hey all! Here's a little something I wrote for a Secret Santa. It's probably not my best work, but it should still be pretty funny! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.**

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Colonel Mustang should've expected it. The holiday came every year. First all the stores would start selling decorations and advertise presents,then the radio would start playing carols, then the decorations would go up. The Christmas season would begin.

Roy didn't really have anything against Christmas. Hey, who doesn't like presents? He just didn't feel like going over the top for just one stupid holiday. If people just kept it small and didn't bring it into their workplace, he would be just fine.

However, the people he worked with didn't have the same mentality.

"Hey there Roy! How's it going?"

Colonel Mustang looked up from his pile of paperwork to see what his old friend wanted now. He was dumbfounded by what he saw. "Maes. What. The. Hell. Is. On. Your. Head."

Maes Hughes laughed and lifted his Santa hat. "Oh, this? Just another gift from my lovely wife! And Elicia has one too, and she looks so adorable in it! Hey, want to see a picture?"

"I think I've seen enough pictures of your daughter to last a lifetime. And why the hell are you even wearing that thing? You're supposed to be in uniform!"

"Aw, come on Colonel, Edward is never in uniform and you never get on his case," a voice called out from the hallway.

Roy looked out the door and saw another one of his subordinates wearing those damned hats. "Havoc? You too?"

The 2nd Lieutenant smirked. "Well, my new girlfriend said I looked good in it, so I decided to wear it all the time."

Roy grit his teeth. "Well, that's to bad, since you're going to have to take it off at work."

"Aw, come on Colonel, don't be such a Scrooge!"

"I am not a Scrooge!" Mustang yelled before realizing who was speaking. "What the... Breda? Fuery? Falman?" Not you too!" Looks like almost everyone working under Mustang was wearing a Santa hat.

"It's not that bad Colonel. I actually checked with some of the hugher brass, and they said it was alright," Lieutenant Hawkeye - Roy's last ray of hope - anounced as she walked in the room wearing one of those abominable things.

"It's still unprofessional!" Roy exclaimed.

Hughes rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say Mr. Scrooge."

"I AM NOT A SCROOGE!"

"Uh, is this a bad time?" Edward asked, standing in the doorway.

Roy looked over the 15-year-old state alchemist and was relieved to see there wasn't anything resembling Christmas clothes on him. "Ah, Fullmetal, you're here for your report. No, this isn't a bad time, how about you come in my office?"

Edward shrugged. "Alright."

There was a series of clanking noises and Alphonse's voice came through. "Hey, brother? I think I'll head back to the hotel early. See you when you're done."

"Sure thing Al. This won't take very long." Edward waved off his brother.

"meow"

Everyone in the room froze. Edward turned around. "Alphonse, get in here!"

Al shuffled into the room and looked as guilty as a suit of armor could. He took off his head and pulled out a kitten. When he saw it, Roy groaned.

The kitten was sporting a miniature version of the ugly Christmas sweaters that were so popular as gifts. It was a bright green color with red trim. There were bells sewn onto the fabric along with random balls. On top of it all, the primary design was an enormous image of Santa Claus.

The only person more unhappy than Roy was Edward.

"DANG IT AL, WE CAN'T TAKE CARE OF IT!"

"I'm sorry, brother! It just looked so cold, and I couldn't just leave it, or the others." Alphonse pleaded.

"You're made of metal, Al! You probably made it colder." Edward continued to lecture his brother. "Wait, did you say others?"

Al looked even more guilty. "Well, you see brother. .."

Suddenly, about a dozen kittens crawled out of the walking suit of armor. They took off as soon as they were free of their metallic cage, and started causing chaos in the office. The little furballs got everywhere, sent important papers flying, scratched up the furniture...

And each one of them had on a different Christmas sweater.

Roy almost wanted to cry.

While looking at the chaos before him, Maes nudged the Colonel. "Come on Roy, won't you wear one just once?" He asked, presenting a spare Santa hat.

Roy grudgingly took it. "Fine, I guess I'll wear it for a little while, just this once, since any hope of a professional workplace just went out the window.:

Maes looked overjoyed. "Great! Now I just need to take pictures."

"What? Oh hell no, not happening... Give me that camera Hughes!"

Somehow, Maes Hughes managed to take several pictures while running from the Colonel. They weren't staged, and were mostly filled with flying kittens, but Hughes still loved them. He gave copies to all of team Mustang, except their fearless leader, since he didn't want his precious memories going up in smoke.

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